Wingham United Church

September 6, 2026

Instruments of Peace and Love

Romans 13:8-14

Matthew 18:15-20

 

          A couple of years ago, I participated in an on-line, 2-part workshop called Essentials of Transitional Leadership. It was an introduction to a much broader course of study called Fundamentals of Transitional Leadership, which I am now planning to engage in next year. I signed up because it was being offered at a significant discount by our Regional Council and there are two things I always try to take advantage of: further education and bargains! I was, at first, surprised to find that much of the course material was centered around conflict management and conflict resolution. Upon further reflection, however, I realized it made perfect sense.

          This was a course about leading change in the church and change never happens without conflict. There are several reasons for this. To begin with, change is never easy. Change involves new things, untried things, unfamiliar things. There is always the chance that change will make things worse or that some of us won’t like the changes that we make. It is a step into the unknown, and that makes everyone nervous. Conflict arises between those who believe change is necessary and those who fear what that change could mean.

          Then, of course, there are always differing opinions about what changes should be made, and how. Sometimes small, incremental changes are a good idea, but sometimes a bold transformation is required. How do we know for sure which we should implement?

          Of course, the church is always in transition, so even in the day-to-day functions of a community of faith, there is conflict – different ideas, different personalities, different priorities always cause friction. It is unavoidable whenever even a small group of people try to work together, and because we all care deeply about our church, everything becomes amplified. These things matter to all of us, so we are not inclined to just let them be and go with the flow. The stakes are just too high. And, sadly, it is also true that, although we speak often of grace and forgiveness, they are not always found in abundance in the church.

          Now imagine that we were living in the days when the church was just beginning. Everything is changing. There is no tradition or status quo to lean on. No Regional Council to ask for advice. No Manual to tell us how it’s supposed to work. Just the guidance and instruction of a man named Jesus who insists that everything we know and are familiar with must change, including our behaviour. Conflict was unavoidable.

          So, Jesus gave the church a process to resolve those conflicts. These were meant to resolve conflicts within the church, not between church members and others in their families or communities, but I think there are principles involved here that can help in any relational tension. We’ll focus on the church because that’s who we are, and because, unfortunately, conflict in the church is not only related to times of change and transition. It is, in my experience, a constant presence.

          Jesus’ process involves three stages. The first is a one-on-one conversation. Notice that there is no mention of sneaking around complaining to others behind the person’s back, which seems to be the default position of many people in the church. Go to the person who has sinned against you and point out the offense. It’s important to note here that this is not a situation of personal difference in opinion. In this case, someone has done something that has harmed the other and is continuing to do so. It may be actions taken or words spoken. Whatever the “sin”, it is causing a fracture in the relationship. For the two to continue to work together in a healthy way, the issue must be resolved.

          Failure to do so usually ends in resentment and grudges. I have seen far too many cases of that in the church in my ministry, and we need to put an end to it. That said, it’s important that the person does this in the right way. An emotional confrontation will likely only escalate an already unfortunate situation. Count to ten, sleep on it, think about, perhaps even talk about it with a trusted confidant. Think about what you are going to say before you go to speak to the person.

          I have found that something peculiar often happens when you do that. Somehow the offense seems less important. It loses its power. The tension and conflict is resolved simply by examining it in a less emotional state of mind, and no further action needs to be taken.

          If, however, a conversation with the other is necessary, it is important that it be calm and rational. So much of the toxicity in human relationships stems from emotions that override reason. An emotional confrontation puts the other person on the defensive, and resolution becomes far less likely. A calm, humble, stick-to-the-facts kind of conversation will often result in a relationship even stronger than it was before the offense.

          But not always. Sometimes, even when informed of the harm they are causing, the other refuses to change the behaviour. Pride is often the culprit here, but whatever the cause, there is another avenue. Involve two or three others from the church. Ideally these would be respected elders known for their wisdom and fairness. Go to them, state your case, and ask for their intercession.

          This, too, often has surprising consequences. In stating your case to someone not directly involved, someone who is not emotionally entangled, you must be able to articulate why you feel so strongly that a wrong has been committed. In talking this through, I have found that it suddenly seems less dramatic because the emotions have been deflated. What had caused you to get upset and anxious loses its impact. Even if the matter still needs to be brought to the other’s attention, it can be done in a healthier, more constructive way.

          But there is also a risk to this approach. The elders might hear your case and point out that you may be the one in the wrong. Involving others may bring new information and perspective that changes your point of view. This is often the reason people resist this action. It is far safer to whisper your accusations in private.

If, however, those trusted interveners agree with you, the likelihood that they will be able to resolve the issue is far greater. The person who has committed the “sin” is far more likely to listen to them than to you alone. Reason prevails and peace is restored.

          Finally, if all else fails, the matter should come before the church as a whole. This is a very rare circumstance and usually reserved for times when a serious wrong has been committed that affects the whole community of faith.

          All of this deals with situations where one person is doing something that is harming another within the congregation, some “sin” that needs to be stopped. There are many other situations in the church that cause tension and conflict. The vast majority of those that I have witnessed in my ministries could be resolved or even avoided if we simply followed the advice of Paul in his letter to the Romans: “Love your neighbour as yourself.”

          In my experience, the most common and profound “sin” committed by members of the church against one another is gossip. People say things without thinking about how their words or tone may be hurtful to another. People form opinions without knowing all the facts. They whisper about others behind their backs. They criticize another’s actions even though they don’t wish to do the work themselves. They form opinions about others based on personal prejudice or even simple differences in personality. People carry grudges against others, even after they have forgotten the cause of their resentment. These behaviours, and we are all guilty of them, are the toxins that tear communities apart. And I have found no congregation that is innocent of these sins.

          Paul’s advice not only informs the way we approach Jesus’ prescription for resolving conflict, it provides us with a means to avoid ever needing to implement it. If we could find a way to live up to that high standard of Christian living, conflict in the church and beyond could end.

          Paul begins by telling us that we have an obligation, a debt that is owed that can only be paid by loving one another. The debt is owed to Christ, who, in love beyond human imagining, died for us and called on us to pay that debt forward. He calls on us to “remove [our] dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armour of right living… clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ,” so that we model for others the way we should be.

          He ends this passage by telling his readers not to “think about ways to indulge your evil desires.” That means we should stop looking for loopholes, excuses, and justifications for continuing to do the things we know we should not do. This is another common problem in the church that we need to correct. Just do what Jesus tells us: love our neighbours as ourselves.

Our actions, and our words, have consequences. They have the power to build people up or break them down. In everything we do, and everything we say, we should ask ourselves if it is kind and loving.

          A colleague of mine has a sign on her office wall that I see and contemplate whenever we are in an on-line meeting together. It says,

Think before you speak,

T – Is it true? Do you know all the facts?

H – Is it helpful? Will saying it actually lead to a positive outcome?

I – Is it inspiring? Will what you are about to say help the other see things in a new and positive way?

N – Is it necessary? Does what you are about to say need to be spoken at all?

K – Is it kind? Even when you are expressing your disagreement with the other person, it must always be done in a way that is kind, gentle, and loving.

          Remember what your mother told you – If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all!

          Our closing hymn contains this prayer:

          “Let love from day to day

          Be yardstick, rule, and norm,

          And let our lives portray

          Your word in human form.”

 

          St. Francis of Assisi, who is credited with the words to our previous hymn, prayed “Make me a channel of your peace.” That should be the prayer of each and every person who claims the identity Christian. As Christians, it is our responsibility to become instruments of peace and love, and to “clothe [ourselves] with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

          May it be so!

Rev. Colin Snyder, MDiv